Faked Ziti

In case you shitheels couldn't tell by the name of the blog, I am a vegan. 

It means that I don't eat anything with a face, or anything that comes out of its tits. 

Meaning, no flesh, no fowl, no dairy. 

This kind of puts a hamper on my love for all foods of the Italian persuasion, but fuck it, I want to live till 110. Here is my slightly less fatal version of an olde-tyme favourite:

FAKED ZITI 

(it's a play on the named Baked Ziti, get it? Assholes.)

You'll need the following:

1 lb. cooked Pasta

1 10oz. block of Vegan Mozzarella

1/3 cup Soy Milk (I used vanilla flavoured, it gives it a more cheesy taste)

1 Tablespoon Kosher Salt

3 tablespoons chopped Garlic

1 1/2 cups Marinara sauce

Dried Basil Flakes

Dried Oregano flakes

Shredded Vegan Cheese of your choice

First, chop the block of mozarella into large chunks, and put it in a blender or food processor with the Soy Milk. You need to then puree it, morons, and make sure there are no big chunks left in it, or it will come out like shit. It should be smooth and creamy, like what's left of your brains.

Next, Put it in a large bowl, and mix in the Marinara sauce. The resulting concoction should be a fairly pinkish color, otherwise you've added too much Marinara, or too little. Try not to fuck it up this early on, yeah?

 Then, after mixing in the chopped Garlic, the Kosher Salt, and the Pasta, put the whole thing into a baking dish, and smooth it down flat.. If you're too cheap to own a baking dish, use an aluminum tin. And you'd better recycle that, motherfucker.

Keeping up with me so far, or should I 

slow

down?

 Assuming by this point that you have not yet set your house on fire, I'd preheat your oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, and fuck your mother in Celsius.

Okay, now here comes the complicated part; 
First, LIGHTLY sprinkle the top of the Ziti with the dried Basil and Oregano. Don't blame me if you put too much on and your pasta comes out gritty as shit. 

Next, sprinkle on your shredded vegan cheese. Use as much or as little as your little heart desires, I really don't care. Lastly, Plop a few dollops of Marinara sauce on top of the cheese. No real reason, it just looks pretty.

Now, throw that bitch in the oven for 20 minutes. 
Pull it out, let it cool off a little, and put it in your mouths.

Enjoy yourselves, cocksuckers.